Behind Every Smile....

Around a month back I read an article which was on writing without thinking.Theres a term which describes this act of just scribbling anything on paper without even pausing for a second..(Sorry cannot recollect the term right now).
Maybe I did just that with this post..Maybe I wanted to post anything anyhow..
Or maybe No..Maybe as Theodore Bagwell mentioned in Prison Break 'We are all prisoners. Held in the captivity of negativity'. I dont know. Rather I dont care. This write up isnt a story or a poem..I dont know what it is but it surely is inspired from few of the blogs I read recently

I laugh for I can feel the pain
Slowly the images are getting all smeared
Slowly every laughter is fading into oblivion
Is any colour left? Or just black and white everywhere
Oh..yes there is no black and white,only shades of grey.
Every light flickering at its best
only to be blown off by a sudden gush of air
And then there's darkness all around me.
Why don't I write anymore
Not because I cannot
But because I do not want to..
Because feelings refuse to be penned down anymore.
I am not the one I used to be
But so are you and you and you and all of you.
Aren't you all wearing those masks
hiding your true faces?
Are you not going out in the rain
Not to enjoy the scent of wet earth
But to spread your arms wide
and cry your hearts out
So that those tears mingle with the rain and fade away
And you can reassure yourself
that you are the happiest.
I am not happy but am not sad either
or maybe I just don't want to acknowledge
Maybe I have stopped listening to myself
For it has been ages since I have suppressed my baritone
For I wanted others to speak.
I dont want to introspect
Do not want to greet the pain
And so I laugh and when the tears come
People realize they are because I laughed
And yet again I am successful in dodging glances
But its not only me
Everyones playing their part to perfection
Everyones HAPPILY SAD..
Behind every smile
There is a trickle of pain or plain anger maybe
But everyones so good
For every smile seems genuine
and every applause every word of appreciation
seems coming straight from the heart.

Single vs doubles..!!

A very dear friend of mine (name withheld on request) is going through what he describes as hell.Last weekend after having a cosy dinner with his girlfriend, while they were walking back home discussing their future,some road side tapori acted as the villain and uttered words which were not very pleasing to the ears of his lady love.So my friend,who claims to be a true bollywood flicks lover did what any other hindi film ka hero would do. He rolled up his sleeves and straightaway demanded an apology.Well what resulted was no apology but two broken bones and a broken heart.Unfortunately all three for my friend.The villain turned out to be much stronger than what my friend had expected and the brawl turned out to be a one sided affair. My friend was then dumped into the nearby hospital by his lady love and then the love of his life did the unthinkable.DUMPED HIM,stating reasons that if he can't save her from the gundas,he is good for nothing.

All this has really disturbed my friend who claims he would never fall in love again. Although deep down I was on top of the world that our 'single ready to mingle' gang had a new member who would pay for the movie tickets this weekend( yeah I can be really mean sometimes you see),I had to act as if I really felt bad.But all this has actually stirred my neurons out of deep slumber and have made me think..Is Single life a Bane or a Boon..??

5 reasons why I think single life is a boon..!!
1.The money in your wallet now belongs to you.Of course the once in a while parties given to your friends notwithstanding,you now have the freedom of getting the latest Ray-Ban shades or the Tag-Heur watch because you don't have to spend money on your beloved.

2.You don't always have to think about what gifts to be given to your love.Plus even after getting a gift you don't have to think twice whether she will like it or not.'SHE' doesn't exist anymore you see..:)

3.Your mobile phone can now heave a sign of relief.The torture that you have been doing on its keypads sending unnecesary text messages are now a thing of the past.The time saved by not looking at your cell phone expecting a goodnite call can now be utilized for other important things..say reading a book(was it too far fetched?)

4.You can now safely wear the white shirt instead of the blue, eat whatever you want to gain how many pounds you want to..how you look doesn't matter now does it..??

5.Remembering dates is a thing of the past.You dont have to forget dates and then make excuses that despite all efforts you couldn't call to wish(on a birthday,on a first walk in a park anniversary,etc..etc) because the income tax department had seized your cell-phone...!!

5 reasons why I think single life is a bane..!!

1.Cmon..you selfish moron..you dont always have to give gifts..You do get them sometimes and who doesn't like gifts.Being single devoids you of the pleasure of getting surprise gifts.

2.One very big advantage of not being single is that you suddenly know about every tarrif plan launched by every mobile service and you sure are a better help for your friends than the customer service guy who most of the time seems helpless..

3.At the end of the day,I guess there are few things which if shared with someone special do help you a lot. I mean all single guys would vehementely deny that if you want to share stuffs you have your friends and I 99.99% agree but then someone special is afterall someone special(have I made my point clear..??) No I guess..!!

4.I do not know how many of my friends would actually agree but one thing which I have noticed is once you are commited,your friends stop linking you with every second girl you go and talk to.I have seen this abnormal behaviour where suddenly people start giving you curious glances and later on literally torture you to know the truth.I mean this surely isn't the norm and am sure this is one of the idiotic advantages of being commited but then I have seen such a behaviour.

5.This will be the BAAP of all reasons..my committed friends believe that what sets apart the committed life is the FEELING OF BEING IN LOVE..What this so called feeling is a question better answered by them but they feel that the feeling is divine..
Ah..frankly speaking this is such a topic which is certainly debatable.I mean all my single friends(single+dumped) believe that Lifes rocking when you are single while those in love feel that'Angoor mile nahin so khatte ho gayein'.This discussion can never come to an ending.I mean you ceratinly can't think about taking sides here.
I guess these lines by Alfred Tennyson sum up my views..
I HOLD IT TRUE,WHAT'ER BEFALL
I FEEL IT,WHEN I SORROW MOST;
TIS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST
THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL..!!

WHAT NEXT..??

This post of mine is kinda continuation of my post published on the 30th of June. So all those who haven't read that entry have two options..one they can read that entry now(hey its just after one entry yaar..) and can take pains to post comments or the second option is leave that post and read this one..its not that you won't understand this one..plus if I were the reader..I would have gone for the second option.. LAZY ME...!!
Yeah so finally our final sem results were out and the examiners in VTU (Visweswaraya Technological University) had pity on me and gave me passing marks. I can now safely claim that now I am an engineer.HELL YEAH..!!
The night the results were out I was partying late with my friends,when one of my college mates, the so called bookworm of our Gang..the padhaku..called me up and very seriously asked me ' Dude! What plans?'
I was quick enough to respond that after the party which will run quite late into the night, I might go for a movie at my friends place.
But my Dost had other questions ready to be fired at me..' Future...Future yaar..What plans after Engg..??
Now I don't know how many of you guys have faced examinations where not a question looks familiar.I have been through such a paper and believe me it feels awful..(at least till you are inside the exam hall).You don't seem to know a single answer,you keep looking left,right,up,down at regular intervals..you seem to notice things which were unnoticed till then,even a small fly's path is keenly observed by you. Finally frustrated you bend your head slightly so that the guy sitting in front of you can help you..but all you manage is just one line.
By now you know your despicable condition and you start scratching your head..You scratch so badly that the dandruff in your hair which uptill now had developed a symbiotic relationship with its surroundings starts making a clumsy little mess on your answer sheet.
Finally losing all hopes you write something, repeat that thing twice and sincerely hope that the examiner is drunk while he goes through your answer sheet. Those few moments are awful. You feel a deep vaccum being created inside you..
Ah..coming back..so I felt the same vaccum when my friend asked me about my future. But then I wasn't going to part ways with the way I felt that day and so I coolly remarked that I am bad at making plans and will see what life has in store for me.
I thought that was it. But then deep down I knew my happiness was shortlived.
The next day itself I was sitting in front of my father and holding the cell-phone. Yes..the not so awaited moment had arrived.My father sitting in front of me and my elder brother sitting 700 miles away from me..asked me the same question simultaneously.'What next'?
What followed was an eerie silence and some stern looks from my father and some serious cough from my brother.Now hey I can't give the same answer here that I don't make plans and that will see what life has in store in front of my parents.Can I? So I cleared my voice and meekly replied that I will do a job now( Although i am sure that the time interval any company will keep me for will entirely depend upon their patience level)..and will think about future studies later.That was a sweet way of saying that I am studying since the time I literally learnt writing and reading and so I want a break now.
On a more serious note,I don't know how many of my friends are going through this "what to do next" phase..I am sure most of them have made up their minds by now but for those who still are in a dilemma,my advice as a friend is take a chill pill. You have company!!(I am sure that did not calm you guys did it..??) Please do not increase your B.P levels.
I am not asking you all to just sit down doing nothing and write blogs and give unnecessary advice(oh..is that me)..But remember that this is just the beginning..there will be many more such moments in our lives. Some will take these as challenges but others will take these as oppurtunities. It is as we look at those moments that they really turn out into.!!
See..I just love giving advices and not at all following them.
Do you think I should write one of those so called self help books..!!

Missing You...

Wow..I have just amazed myself today. Two posts within 4 days is just wow for someone like me. Actually after playing umpteen number of games of Hearts( a card game..all card lovers would know)on my PC and after revising the previously watched episodes of HOUSE M.D(its an American television Medical drama) i just couldn't think of a better way to spend my time so am writing something on my blog...just anything..Its actually a page from my personal diary which is no longer personal after one of my friends read it and started blackmailing me that he would organize a story telling competition in the society where he would tell others about the contents of the diary and so I had to give him paani puri treats so that he would keep his mouth shut. But then I decided to take corrective steps and here I am shamelessly posting that very page so that my 10 bucks are saved. Smart naa???
Here's that page...
And yet again for the sixth consecutive day it kept raining here. Those big drops of water hitting the window pane made a strange cacophony and reminded me of YOU..!!
It's not that I don't think of you otherwise but then rains have had a different place in our relationship isn't it??
It was on that eventful rainy monday that we met. I was coming back after buying veggies when I saw you. Standing in the middle of the road, all wet, eyes frantically searching for something. It was love at first sight for me. I just couldn't take my eyes off you. It was as if you badly needed help and I was the one for you.
That Monday changed me completely. It taught me a different perspective of life. It led to a relationship which was certainly more than love. The feeling was magical and the time spent after that was like reading an amazing novel. It took me to a different world altogether.
The innumerable moments spent together are forever etched in my memory and they shall be so till I die. Those amazing walks in the park, those movies which we saw together,the meals that we shared, the long conversations which we had(you have been the most patient listener and I respect you a lot for that).
And then it was that Monday when fate played the worst game with me. It took you away from me. That car accident didn't just kill you, it killed me too. I am no longer the same happy go lucky guy that I used to be. But then I know that you are there,smiling somewhere looking at me and you want me to be happy.
Now as I am drinking a cup of coffee, I miss you so badly.The coffee never tastes the way it used to when you sat on my lap wagging your tail and licking me and the cup.
I will miss you Sheru..You were never a Pomeranian for me. You were much more..

Engineer..Who Me??

AAh...most of my friends thought I had quit blogging. See now I havn't. But then where was I for the last 2 and a half months. there are reasons why i could not post..mainly 2 reasons..the most important reason, well i would say the factor which was 99.98% responsible for me not even having a look at my own blogpage was LAZINESS...lethargic attitude...and all other synonyms which can be given to a couch potato..reason number 2 which contributed to only 0.02% of my absence was ..........LAZINESS....yes so it was 100% LAZINESS....
Just the other day one of my relatives congratulated me-"So boy turns to a man. You have become an engineer." For a split second I felt as if I had turned into a superhuman having magical powers".BOY TURNS TO A MAN...save me someone..as if boys never turn into men..and as if engineering was like going to the outer space and coming back.Plus till the results come out I dnt know whether I am an engineer or not..(yes..that gives ample proof of how I wrote my papers)I was in awe of people who actually went to colleges and completed their engg for i felt engg was too tough..now i wont completely deny that there were moments in which I felt like running away from my college because I could never diffrentiate between a pnp or a npn transistor or could never really think of a valid reason as to why did Fourier uncle had to lay his eyes on every field starting from Signals to Mathematics to Field theory..I can assure all those aspiring engineers..that 4 years of engg life is easier than the two years of senior secondary schooling..I mean i dont know about the IIT's but in our college I never felt that kind of pressure which I personally felt in XI and XII.The only pressure felt was a day before the semester examinations and that too because all the other days were spent doing everything else except having a feel of the books.

I keep asking myself if I am an engineer or not. I mean of course ,for the last four years I did stay at a place where Idly,Sambhar and Vada were the best one could have for breakfast,where I saw different coloured rices being cooked(green,blue,yellow,red..name it and they have it),where the only items visible in my room were my laptop,a pack of cards,my roomies PC which never worked and a bunch of old read newspapers,where birthdays meant birthday bumps and cakes which were not be consumed,where it was fun to get up early in the morning and steal your neighbours newspaper and then show innocence on being asked and of course where if one had nothing else to do he did sometimes attend lectures,where all that was required for hostel guys to display their beastly sides was a powercut..once the lights were off one could here the choicest slangs for the most irritating professors,where it was a crime to go to bed before 2 am,where love was lost and then found and then lost(its a vicious circle),where their were debates as to who's the best..federer or nadal,where cricket matches meant atleast 50 guys shouting at the top of their voices giving you a cricket stadium like feel.

I remember one of my school friends mentioning that he saw almost all the movies while he was doing his MBA. It wasn't much different for us. The most difficult time we had was the time when no new movies were being released. At that time had to download subtitles for telegu and tamil movies.Playing Cards,going to trips,watching teleserials,playing counter-strike,NFS...See I did become an engineer after all..

Now I am not going to point fingers at India's education system..Cmon I had fun man..These will be the days which will be forever etched in my memory.
Will miss my friends for they taught me friendship and will miss my foes for they taught me life.CHEERS..!!

Elecson hain Bhai..!!

The flavour of this month has been the 15th Lok Sabha elections. For a change this time there has been more awareness about the entire process of electing our netas. Many questions have been asked, some have been answered, some plain ignored. How successful all this awareness will be needs to be seen. The turnout in the elections would prove that. Cinestars like Aamir Khan are telling us ki "Acha Chuno..Saccha Chuno".

Now being a responsible citizen I have had doubts. What are the qualities that one needs to have to become a good politician? Now here is a ready reckoner for all those interested. Those of you who want to stand as independent candidates, have thrown a shoe at a cabinet minister, have publicly uttered unparliamentary words against a minister or have been a part of a protest march ( kindly note a protest march should never be a peaceful one. What I mean by a protest march is that your facial expressions should convey as if you haven't been to the loo for a while and that you should have challenged your vocal chords so as to reach maximum decibel levels and you must have ignited few posters of the neta against whom you are demonstrating. Better if the fire isn't powerful enough get hold of autorickshaw or a bus and ignite it so that finally the areas police gets its ass moving and gets hold of you. Ensure media coverage.) Yeah..so if you have been a part of such protests so that a party gives you a Lok Sabha ticket you must have certain qualities which will help you survive the initial battle of elections. Who knows you may win. So what are the qualities..There are many. I am listing just a few:

Age: Age should never be on your side. Even if you are a sixty tell that you are a seventy. Cmon birth certificates can be faked. Don't you see almost all the want to be PM's are great grandpas and great grandmoms. You have to sound experienced. You have to let people know that you know the tricks of the trade.

Assets: This is a tricky one. I believe have loads and loads of money. Doesnt matter in what form, just have it. Real estate, jwellery, painting anything just have money. After you become a minister thats the only commodity you will be dealing with. The Aam Aadmi must know that you have experience handling money and their hard earned money is in safe(read unsafe) hand

Rallies: Now is the time to use your skills to apt use. Remember the days when you went for dharnas and protests, shouted at the top of your voice and got all the attention from police and media( the only place where you didnt get any attention was the person against whom you were protesting). Remember all that and know that its your time now. Rule 1..get people for your rallies. Promise liquor, clothes, money anything but ensure a crowd. Bigger the crowd, better the media. Also promise special incentives if they clap or whistle after every fake promise you make. Rule 2 and the most important rally rule when in front of the microphone, know that there is no microphone. Shout, shout even if the mike itself is unable to take it and begging you to stop making its displeasure known through all weird noises coming out of the amplifier. Media: Now this should also be taken care of during rallies, but especially when journalists are pushing each other just to get something spicy from you. Here also there are important things which need attention. Name the most deadly underworld group and let the media know that you have been threatened as you are busy serving people. Public Sympathy comes your way. Also know the name of your competitor and blast him or her apart. Unparliamentary words earn special points.

Security: Always know that your security will show your status. Use media to best use and state that you have been threatened and demand security. Get X,Y,Z whatever you can and then plan. Ask few of your security personnel to be in plain clothes. Then while visiting a village break out of your security cordon and drink tea at a tea stall or visit a temple. People would know that you are fearless and dont worry about your life while serving others. Ensure that the plain clothed personnel are right behind you.

These are few tricks to ensure success in the forthcoming elections. There are others like stay in the limelight(no matter what always stay in the limelight..state any rubbish stuff in front of the camera but do not let media forget you), also try to get hold of a filmstar stating that you are the future. Best of Luck to all our Netas. May the least corrupt win.

QUESTIONS UNANSWERED

One month and a week.Phew!Can you believe it?I just cant believe that the war lasted so long.But finally all's well that ends well.I won.I defeated it.Yes..I defeated laziness and here I am updating my blog.
Holi - The festival of colors.The day when problems take a backseat,when life is for the taking and of course the day of Gulab Jamuns.But is every Indian celebrating today?No,I am not talking about the family of the martyrs of the Mumbai attack.Certainly they aren't celebrating.But they have their heads held up high.Here I am talking about certain sections of our society which just refuses to get going,which blankly rejects any flickr of hope.

My post is a story about a girl called Tuli.She isn't illeterate but has studied till class 4 and has been out of touch of books for a long time.This is her story and if you find that her English is not upto the mark please excuse her(or if you want to blame,blame her not me) .Its a small but not sweet story.

My name is Tuli.My father name is Haria.My mother name is Pushpa.I live in a village called Goria in Uttar Pradesh.I study in Bal Vidya Mandir till class 4.But after that mother tell me to start doing household work.My father is a farmer and mother is a maid.She go to work in the nearby city.I also sometimes go with her in the city.It has big buildings and big cars.Also it has many shops.In our village there is only one shop.But even then I was very happy with my life.
But all this was long time back.
Six years back,Laltu Seth tell father that he marry me.Father works for Laltu seth.Laltu Seth is very bad man.He is as old as my Dadaji.He having two wives.One died and other run away.So I cried and cried.I not want to leave my mother.But father beat me.He tell that Laltu seth was paying him money for this marriage.So after a week I was Laltu seth's wife.He was very bad.
He came home drunk and beat me.He wanted me to clean his entire house.It was very big house.
Once I ran away from that place and came back home.But father beat me.He tell it is shameful.
I do not understand that.Why is it shameful?
So next day I was back in Laltu Seth's house.I pray to God to help me.
One fine morning God help me.Laltu seth died.I was so happy that I will go back to stay with my mother.But then all Old people and young people of the village come and they cry.But I ask Why?Laltu was a bad man.Hearing this people beat me.The old ladies gave me a white saree to wear and asked me to stay in a seperate hut outside the village.But why me?What have I done?What is my fault?But people say I am cursed.They say Laltu died because of me.I cry and ask for mercy.But they say that I am a widow and should stay as one.
Now I live in a hut just outside the village.Once in a month someone from the village comes and keeps food and other items outside the door and goes.I can see the village from my house.But no one comes to meet me.It has been 5 years.I tried meeting my mother but could not.I know she must be crying there for me.Last Diwali when I tried to go to village to burn candle,people curse me,they say bad words to me and beat me.After that I never go back there.
Today is Holi.I saw Bhola,my friend playing Holi but I cannot.
God did not help me.After all this I want to ask God, Why me??What have I done?