Elecson hain Bhai..!!

The flavour of this month has been the 15th Lok Sabha elections. For a change this time there has been more awareness about the entire process of electing our netas. Many questions have been asked, some have been answered, some plain ignored. How successful all this awareness will be needs to be seen. The turnout in the elections would prove that. Cinestars like Aamir Khan are telling us ki "Acha Chuno..Saccha Chuno".

Now being a responsible citizen I have had doubts. What are the qualities that one needs to have to become a good politician? Now here is a ready reckoner for all those interested. Those of you who want to stand as independent candidates, have thrown a shoe at a cabinet minister, have publicly uttered unparliamentary words against a minister or have been a part of a protest march ( kindly note a protest march should never be a peaceful one. What I mean by a protest march is that your facial expressions should convey as if you haven't been to the loo for a while and that you should have challenged your vocal chords so as to reach maximum decibel levels and you must have ignited few posters of the neta against whom you are demonstrating. Better if the fire isn't powerful enough get hold of autorickshaw or a bus and ignite it so that finally the areas police gets its ass moving and gets hold of you. Ensure media coverage.) Yeah..so if you have been a part of such protests so that a party gives you a Lok Sabha ticket you must have certain qualities which will help you survive the initial battle of elections. Who knows you may win. So what are the qualities..There are many. I am listing just a few:

Age: Age should never be on your side. Even if you are a sixty tell that you are a seventy. Cmon birth certificates can be faked. Don't you see almost all the want to be PM's are great grandpas and great grandmoms. You have to sound experienced. You have to let people know that you know the tricks of the trade.

Assets: This is a tricky one. I believe have loads and loads of money. Doesnt matter in what form, just have it. Real estate, jwellery, painting anything just have money. After you become a minister thats the only commodity you will be dealing with. The Aam Aadmi must know that you have experience handling money and their hard earned money is in safe(read unsafe) hand

Rallies: Now is the time to use your skills to apt use. Remember the days when you went for dharnas and protests, shouted at the top of your voice and got all the attention from police and media( the only place where you didnt get any attention was the person against whom you were protesting). Remember all that and know that its your time now. Rule 1..get people for your rallies. Promise liquor, clothes, money anything but ensure a crowd. Bigger the crowd, better the media. Also promise special incentives if they clap or whistle after every fake promise you make. Rule 2 and the most important rally rule when in front of the microphone, know that there is no microphone. Shout, shout even if the mike itself is unable to take it and begging you to stop making its displeasure known through all weird noises coming out of the amplifier. Media: Now this should also be taken care of during rallies, but especially when journalists are pushing each other just to get something spicy from you. Here also there are important things which need attention. Name the most deadly underworld group and let the media know that you have been threatened as you are busy serving people. Public Sympathy comes your way. Also know the name of your competitor and blast him or her apart. Unparliamentary words earn special points.

Security: Always know that your security will show your status. Use media to best use and state that you have been threatened and demand security. Get X,Y,Z whatever you can and then plan. Ask few of your security personnel to be in plain clothes. Then while visiting a village break out of your security cordon and drink tea at a tea stall or visit a temple. People would know that you are fearless and dont worry about your life while serving others. Ensure that the plain clothed personnel are right behind you.

These are few tricks to ensure success in the forthcoming elections. There are others like stay in the limelight(no matter what always stay in the limelight..state any rubbish stuff in front of the camera but do not let media forget you), also try to get hold of a filmstar stating that you are the future. Best of Luck to all our Netas. May the least corrupt win.

QUESTIONS UNANSWERED

One month and a week.Phew!Can you believe it?I just cant believe that the war lasted so long.But finally all's well that ends well.I won.I defeated it.Yes..I defeated laziness and here I am updating my blog.
Holi - The festival of colors.The day when problems take a backseat,when life is for the taking and of course the day of Gulab Jamuns.But is every Indian celebrating today?No,I am not talking about the family of the martyrs of the Mumbai attack.Certainly they aren't celebrating.But they have their heads held up high.Here I am talking about certain sections of our society which just refuses to get going,which blankly rejects any flickr of hope.

My post is a story about a girl called Tuli.She isn't illeterate but has studied till class 4 and has been out of touch of books for a long time.This is her story and if you find that her English is not upto the mark please excuse her(or if you want to blame,blame her not me) .Its a small but not sweet story.

My name is Tuli.My father name is Haria.My mother name is Pushpa.I live in a village called Goria in Uttar Pradesh.I study in Bal Vidya Mandir till class 4.But after that mother tell me to start doing household work.My father is a farmer and mother is a maid.She go to work in the nearby city.I also sometimes go with her in the city.It has big buildings and big cars.Also it has many shops.In our village there is only one shop.But even then I was very happy with my life.
But all this was long time back.
Six years back,Laltu Seth tell father that he marry me.Father works for Laltu seth.Laltu Seth is very bad man.He is as old as my Dadaji.He having two wives.One died and other run away.So I cried and cried.I not want to leave my mother.But father beat me.He tell that Laltu seth was paying him money for this marriage.So after a week I was Laltu seth's wife.He was very bad.
He came home drunk and beat me.He wanted me to clean his entire house.It was very big house.
Once I ran away from that place and came back home.But father beat me.He tell it is shameful.
I do not understand that.Why is it shameful?
So next day I was back in Laltu Seth's house.I pray to God to help me.
One fine morning God help me.Laltu seth died.I was so happy that I will go back to stay with my mother.But then all Old people and young people of the village come and they cry.But I ask Why?Laltu was a bad man.Hearing this people beat me.The old ladies gave me a white saree to wear and asked me to stay in a seperate hut outside the village.But why me?What have I done?What is my fault?But people say I am cursed.They say Laltu died because of me.I cry and ask for mercy.But they say that I am a widow and should stay as one.
Now I live in a hut just outside the village.Once in a month someone from the village comes and keeps food and other items outside the door and goes.I can see the village from my house.But no one comes to meet me.It has been 5 years.I tried meeting my mother but could not.I know she must be crying there for me.Last Diwali when I tried to go to village to burn candle,people curse me,they say bad words to me and beat me.After that I never go back there.
Today is Holi.I saw Bhola,my friend playing Holi but I cannot.
God did not help me.After all this I want to ask God, Why me??What have I done?

Troubled Love..!!

I just felt the urge of writing something...anything.I thought about giving some moral values to members of Ram Sene or VHP or other so called custodians of Hindu culture.I thought about asking the Islamic Board members that 'Does Islam actually prohibits girls from taking higher education alongside boys even when they are with the purdah?' But I did not feel like talking about these issues.No,am not an ignorant citizen nor am I turning my back on these issues.It's just that I didn't feel like writing on these issues.But then my hands were itchy..and this is what I wrote...

Aniket had the looks. And he had much more.He was the unique combination of the brain with the brawn.He knew that almost all the females in the college found him cute.Especially after being the chairman of the organizing commitee of the Tech-Fest,people knew of him as being a complete allrounder.
But despite such adulation,he knew Anisha was the one for him.She did not have the looks to die for but was very practical,independent and headstrong.Plus she was not the interfering types.In short,all the qualities that Aniket wanted.
They were a fantaboulous pair.She the bubbly types,he the quite one.She loved dancing and he had a penchant for writing.All in all,they were apt examples displaying that opposites do attract.

"The results are out! And as usual no Internet in the hostel.We have to rush to the Nirmal Browsing Centre.Am leaving.You meet me there."Aniket did not need an alarm clock to get up as Nishant's words fell in his ears.There was this sudden calm on his face.He did not rush through his chores taking rather longer than usual.Then just as he was about to leave for NBC( college lingo for Nirmal Browsing Centre),he received a call from Nishant,"Dude....you saw my face first thing in the morning today.See,I knew I was lucky for you.You are a 9 pointer.Congrats..!!"
"Thanks Nishant!Anyways I will be there in 10 minutes",saying this Aniket disconnected the line.
'Saw his face .Bloody looser,as if I wasn't a 9 pointer before I met him.Human psyche I guess.They just want to be a part of a success story by any means.
' Anisha's call came next,"Hey Sweetu! Ritika saw your grades and informed me. Waise even am an 8 pointer now .
"Wow!Great News.That calls for a celebration. Just the two of us.What say?"
"Sure..Blue Toad 8 pm".Anisha had loved Blue Toad the last time she was there with her friends.
"Blue Toad!!Anisha you know I don't like discos.Plus what is the point if I don't dance or drink?"
"But why Anik..why?See we will have a good time.Please Baby.Don't say no.Just this once"
"Ok.Sweetu..just this time only for you.See you at 8.Hey one more thing.Can you please wear that Pink Saree you wore on the day of the fest.I feel its tailor made for you.You look out of the world in that."Aniket surely knew how to flirt.
"A saree in a disco?Are you crazy?The guards won't let me in." "Oh Cmon.See that's another reason why I hate discos.Okies.Some other time I guess.Bye.Be on time."
"Okies.Bye..!!"

Aniket knew he had everything he wanted.Suddenly he turned back.The urge to see the results had died.He rushed back to his room and secured the locks.He had to inform his father that the time had come.He dialled the number.
"Assalam Aalaikum Abba.Do not panic.Am on a secured line."
"Wa Alaikum Assalam.Sab Khariyat Bacche"?
"Yes Abba.Just wanted to tell you that the time has come.The results are out and I have secured good grades.Now no one will have even a speck of a doubt in their minds."
"Very Good!That means everything is falling into the right places.I knew it.I knew Allah would bestow his choicest blessings on you."
"Yes Abba!Everything is ready.The Blueprints are with me.I have an idea about every nook and corner of this city now."
"Theek hain baccha.Then as per schedule I send Saleem and Rahat on tuesday.Ensure that the rented apartment is secured"
"Ok Abba.I feel so good.After 3 years of facing humiliation,After 3 years of being Aniket,I finally get to become Aslam.I finally get to do something for my brethern"
"Yes my son!The loud noise of your deeds would shake not only this country but the world and then they would realize our capabilities.I am so proud of you.Very soon you will be among the angels and Allah would be proud of you.Any last wishes Bachha?Am asking you now so that later if I ask you it should not divert your mind."
"No Abba.Just ensure that our contribution doesn't go in vain."
"Of Course.Best of Luck.I will be in touch.Khuda Hafiz".
"Khuda Hafiz"
Aslam kept the phone back in the trunk and locked it.'Bloody fools',he thought,'they never ever enquired about the trunk and its belongings.Good for me.'

Blue Toad had everything in it.It surely deserved the tag of being the most happening places in the city.Great music,good food and loads of alchohol.
Aslam felt a little out of place at such joints.There was no sign of Anisha yet.He silently mumbled prayers,"Ya Allah!Reham.How many more sins would I do to achieve this noble cause?Music,Alchohol,even my presence among these is a sin.An unpardonable mistake.Forgive me Allah.Forgive me."
And then she was there.And yes.She was draping the pink saree.'Emotional fool',thought Aslam. "Hey Sorry.See am just 45 mins late.Much better than the last time when you had to wait for a couple of hours"
"No probs!"Her perfume made the surroundings redolent."But you said you wont wear the saree?"
"Yeah but then I thought not to dissapoint you.Plus its out of place so everyone would notice me, for the wrong reason of course.But who cares?"
"Mindblowing is all I can manage right now."
Aslam took out a box of chocalates."See,I brought you a gift"
"Chocalates.Wow.I love you."
"Hey Sweetu.Even I have something for you."She frantically started searching her bag.She carried a big bag.A mighty big one for such a small petite girl.
Searching frantically she finaly exclaimed"Ah.Got it.!"
Saying so she took out a Walter P99 semiautomatic revolver and.........2 bullets at point blank range.One through the inferior venacova of heart and the other through the hippocampus of the brain.She knew he was dead.Her training said so.Still she checked his pulses for one last time to ensure that they weren't responding. Meanwhile her two accompolices ensured that the disco was cleared in seconds without any troubleShe then dialled a number"Special RAW agent Sakshi Bakshi reporting.Batch number-9192.Mission accompolished.Aslam's dead.Requesting units at Blue toad right now."
"Well done!Units will be there in 15 minutes"
Sakshi sat on the table and opened the box of chocalates.She loved them.'Finally I can ask for a holiday',she thought.

Letters..!!!

Republic Day is certainly a day which every Indian feels proud of.I am no different.This is my salute to every soldier out their in the borders.For they aren't just pointing fingers at others.They are doing something for the country.

Leh,29th September,2008

Dear Maa,

You must be wondering that when I can easily call you,why did i write this letter?It so happened that today my roommate received a letter from her parents and she was on top of the world.She claims that a letter contains special emotions which somehow can't be conveyed through a call. She said that the fragnance of the ink reminded her of her childhood.So I decided to write this letter to you.Through this letter I want to feel those very feelings.

I must tell you it's very cold here.Temperatures in Leh seldom touch the positives in this time of the year.Don't worry am well protected with the sweater you made for me.

Also I have to give you a good news.Although it's not confirmed yet,but my friends have started congratulating me that my promotion order is on its way.Can you believe it?Flight Lieutanant Neharika Kapoor would now be known as Squadron Leader Neharika Kapoor..!!Awesome isn't it??This news took me back a few years to the day when I walked out of AFA(Air Force Academy) Dundigal and joined the Western Command as a Flying Officer.I remember the look in Papa's eyes and those 5 words,"We are proud of you..!!"

I have never told you how it feels when I fly one of those Mig-27's.Its just impossible to put that feeling into words.Remember how I had once broken my arm because I wanted to be a bird and despite your warnings I tried to fly and jumped off the balcony.The first day I flew a Mig all by myself I knew that my dream had come true.It was fantaboulous.

Have to sleep Maa.Routine,you know.But I love this routine.Please take care of your health.And make sure Papa doesn't forget to take his BP tablets.I would call Nikita to wish her all the best for her semester exminations.

Take Care,

I love you

Neharika.

Present day,New Delhi..

Dear Neharika,

There are moments in life when you look upwards and wonder that what Good have we done so as to be gifted such wonderfully by God..You are one such Gift in our life.Yesterday on Republic Day,we were proud parents as we went on the stage to collect the Param Vir Chakra.Although,I tried very hard but when they announced Param Vir Chakra for Squadron leader Neharika Kapoor posthumously I just couldn't control my tears.I know sitting among the angels in heaven you will never like to see tears in my eyes but then those were my prized possessions for they reminded me of a daughter who laid down her life for Our Country.

Beta,in your age when girls still aren't decided about their future,you have shown all what dedication,determination and discipline can produce.Just because of you,we have our heads held high.

I know you will never come back.It is a fact which took me a long time to realize.But today i Pray to God that for your next rebirth and for all other rebirths you be born as my daughter.

May your soul rest in peace and may you smile among the angels...!!

Love you,

Maa..!!

The Last Few Seconds of Life..!!

This post isn't a story..It isn't an incident.Just don't ask me what it is.Just the other day I was going somewhere when I saw an ambulance speeding through the overcrowded street and right then I felt like writing something.I thought,"What must be going in the mind of the one in the ambulance?(that is if the patient's senses are still working and his pain hasn't overtaken his other feelings).. This is what I wrote..I just kept on scribbling something without giving a thought about what I was writing.So there might be numerous flaws in it.Plus if you notice,this writeup does not have an ending and that's because I couldnt think of one.Or perhaps it did not deserve a one..Here it goes.................

Tuesday,6:20 pm..
Why does it have such a loud blaring noise.I understand that the traffic needs to know that there's an ambulance but can't they use something better?Something soothing to your ears.I mean as it is this pain is killing me.What else do they want?This is mental torture.I guess they can play a Bollywood number to attract the attention of other drivers.Better they must get to know the favourite track of the patient and play it.It's done in many hospitals.Why not in the ambulance too?The music's good and what else the one who's probably going to die gets to listen to his favourite track one last time.
Naah....doesn't make sense does it?I mean which family would be in the mood of listening to a bollywood number when their Ghar ka Chiraag's condition isn't very good?I mean few tensed relatives who are stealing glances at their watches thinking that the Hospital's in India are so far off..few chanting mantras,praying to God and the rest desperately trying not to cry and giving words of comfort to the patient that everything will be allright..as if God had given them a trunk call clearly mentioning that things are under control when as a matter of fact they aren't..Will these relatives feel like listening to a song?No..of course not.But that surely doesn't mean that this loud alarm is music to their ears.It isn't.
Hey by the way am Nihaal,27 years of age and I have met with a life threatning accident at the Mumbai-Pune highway.The journey hadn't been a bit adventourous but then I had not expected something so out of the box.Because within seconds things went out of control.Maybe I should not have crossed the 100kmph mark.Out of nowhere a truck came in front of my car and my senses bid goodbye to me.I failed to apply the brakes,rammed into the truck which as a matter of fact was carrying steel rods meant for construction.Those rods i guess were not meant for buildings.They were meant for me and my car.The windshield was shattered in moments and seconds later I could feel that one of those rods had crashed into me.I had read somewhere that if things suddenly do not go according to the way they should, human mind stops reacting for it cannot comprehend the sudden changes.And yes,I could not comprehend what actually happened.
So am now in a horizontal positon in a moving van supposedly called an ambulance and am being taken to a hospitalAlthough am semi-concious(yeah am not unconcious)..I cannot see.I do not have that much of blood left in me to open my eyes.But I can sense that my family and few relatives are there in the van.Its a big van with all the modern amenities meant for emergency cases like me.



Ever been inside an ambulance?Its hell.I mean hell can't be worse than this.I know some of us try to picture what hell would be like.For me its inside an ambulance.Whether you are the centre of attraction or not,it surely is hell.Worried expressions,tensed moments..all in all the atmosphere surely isn't rocking.
Uff...the pain is untolerable.Plus these needles meant for blood and saline and stuff..Irritating.Its as if just for these few moments God has decided that the laws of nature would change.That time would Indeed STOP.Added to the fact that your loved ones are having a tough time.
Its said that just before you die life flashes before your eyes.I now can clearly see my first day in school,my first fight,my first kiss,and the truck..oh wait...wait..hell..why am I thinking these things?Am I going to die??NO....NO....NO NO..hell crap NO..How can I die?I am just 27.Please God.I have so much more to do,so many places to visit plus am still a virgin at 27.God NO...please dont let me die?Hell why am I falling short of a breath?God..help me BREATHE...help me BREATHE..please.!!Why do I feel like a guy who's been running a long marathon but just as the finishing line is in sight,he collapses and falls down.NO...GOD..NO!!
Meanwhile the pictures keep coming.The memorable Goa trip with friends,the long walks at marine drive with Sohail and the long stories about his crushes,Neha Didi's wedding and that cute girl at the wedding,amazing coffee at CCD..These pictures just wont go.
And then suddenly maybe out of desperation or frustration a prayer comes out..
God!If I am able to walk again after today,I would start giving importance to this amazing gift given by you called Life.I would spend more time with my family.I would not ring our neighbours doorbell and then run away just to irritate them,and I would not fight with the doodhwala stating that he has now become a Paaniwala.
Strange..Humans have this amazing ability to start giving importance to things or individuals,only when they are gone or are about to go.All through my lifeless life i never have given importance to such small things but now when Yamraj is sitting on top of my head and playing Tabla..i suddenly feel a little different.
Tuesday....6:55pm
Suddenly the ambulance comes to a halt.So I haven't died.I will give doctors a chance to prove their mettle.Good..!!But one thing is very clear to me....am not dying,,strangely enough I feel that this is a kind of a rebirth for me.Nihaal Sinha has just died.And Nihaal Sinha is just born

Gifts Of The Past...

Satutory Warning:Readers may please note that the events mentioned below are fictional to the best of my knowledge(of course going to school and college are not fictional..am a literate..or else how do i write this blog...sorry.. Bad Joke..!!).So as the events are fictional,any resemblance to any person is truly unintentional.

I turn back today..
just to have a glimpse at the past.
They say past is history,
So is it wrong to look at it?

Shouldn't I look at the day,
When i walked through the school gates,
shouldn't i be obliged,
for I went in a kid and came out a man!!
So what if I want to go back today
and say sorry to people I have hurt..
I know I can't!!

Shouldn't I look at the day,
when I had the first fight
shouldn't i be glad,for the fight
ultimately resulted in a friendship
which still goes strong..!!
So what if the fight ended with a broken bone,
and the bone belonged to me..!!

Shouldn't I look at the day,
when we went to see a cricket match
between Australia and India at the Ferozshah Kotla
Shouldn't I rejoice,for we had a gala time
predicting the number of ducks
by Indian Batsmen.
So what if India lost that match
and then the series too.!!

Shouldn't I look at the day
when we used to play football
on a rainy day.
shouldn't I be happy that I was the one
to score the goal.
So what if the next day
I caught cough and cold and then
could not play for the next two days.

Shouldn't I look at the day
when college welcomed me with open arms..
Shouldn't I smile for I made friends.
So what if I suddenly find moist eyes..
The tears are the trophies I possess,
for they remind me of the good times spent.

Shouldn't I look at the day
when I took the train journey,
that changed me forever.
Shouldn't I blush
that I met the girl of my dreams
and fell---fell in love.
So what if she doesn't like me,
I do and shall always..!!

I look at all these days and more,
Days that will never come back,
Days that will stay with me lifelong,
Days that will always be cherished,
as wonderful gifts of the past...!!!

Rab dikha kya??

Well..the psyche of Indian audience can never actually be analysed.When,how and what is acceptable to them is an unfathomable mystery.While on one hand they reject a movie like Saawariya(am not taking its side..it deserved to be a flop)they actually let a movie like Rab ne Bana di jodi become a big hit.Now all you SRK fans may please note that he is simply the best.I have watched DDLJ 25 times and even in RNBDJ he was awesome.But should he have done that movie in the first place is my question?I mean that movie deserves the OSCAR for the most irritating scripts till date in Indian Cinema.How can a lady not identify her husband is a question which has long been asked and I wont dwell on that fact.The second shortcoming is how can a person jinhone aaj tak kabhie ladies se baat tak nahin ki hain be such a natural flirt.I guess Vinay Pathak gave him tuitions.I mean when we are asked to shut our brains and enjoy a movie it is acceptable to a certain extent but this is pure crap.Poore movie mein heroine ko rab dikha hi nahin lekin picture khatam karne ki baari aayi toh Rab dikh gaya..arre telepathy hain kya?And this movie was the second biggest grosser of 2008 after Ghajini.
Talking about Rab,this was the only good thing about the movie.After that am seeing glimpses of rab in every second female..!! problem is kisi ladki ko hamme rab dikhta hi nahin...!!!
Help me Rab..!!