Looking back...

Ah.. The feeling of coming back to one's blog. Sheer magical.

We humans. We are such enigmatic souls. We want many things at one point of time and then when we get them, suddenly we want a bunch of different things. We are never happy.

Let me not generalize this feeling because I have met individuals who are pretty sure of what they want. And then there are a few who are pretty sure that they are not at all sure. Who absolutely know , that they absolutely do not know.

And then there are a few who look back and realize that past wasn't great. It could have been far better. Wish I could have done this to get to that or not done that. Wish I could have made that phone call, Wish I could have made that trip.
Basically a bunch of wishes. Mostly all of us have these wishes and looking back is the usual norm.

Its said,Look back if it brings a smile, but refrain if it hurts you. We dont usually follow it do we??
This small write up was written some time back thinking about all those things I didn't do. In the hindsight, may be I shouldn't have written this.. Duh..!!!


Walking down the memory lane with a thoughtful stare
looking at the moments which weren't there
thinking about the days which could have been,
thinking about the life which I could have seen

Could have spoken out loud and clear
instead was bogged down by fear
kept quite, indecisive troubled with facts
surprised dumbfounded with my own acts.

those dark corners which I couldnt see,
those barriers from which I wanted to flee
those imaginary conversations and disturbed nights
those mental debates and long lost fights.

that phone call which was never made..
that response of which I was afraid
that promise of being there which wasn't kept
that silly excuse made at which I was adept

As much as I want to go back
get rid of that baggage and unpack
As much as I want to set things straight
Move Ahead and take control of my fate

I know things aren't the same anymore,
I know the wounds are a bit too sore
I know that the lights are dimming fast
And that the rainbow will not last

And So I shall not turn back
Not focus on things I lack
I shall reach out for the illuminated road
And set on that journey for the perfect abode

I aint no perfect, so judge me no more
I just want happy moments galore
Dont think of me as a guy who didnt care
For you shall find a mention in my last prayer..

                                                          Feeling Good. Wish to come back more....

What’s the Hurry Boss??

What’s with me and the cab drivers these days?  We never seem to be on the same page. For the third time in this one month I hopped onto a cab, the driver of which was either a Formula One fan or for some strange reason believed he was driving a Ferrari. I tried checking the cab’s speedometer but it lay still. Probably it has its own story to tell. Probably it has seen such horrendous speeds and has been treated with such disgust that it decided not to move. So while the cab I was in, was about to touch supersonic speeds the pointer on the speedometer dial lay kissing 0, almost teasing the other numbers in the dial, letting them know that it shall never meet them again.

Initially I felt that the cab driver was under the impression that I was in a hurry. So I politely informed that I did have all the time in this world to reach my destination and that he can take it easy. But he didn't seem 

interested. I requested him, politely at first and then getting a sterner tone but all he could manage was
मी आता 5 वर्षे हे वाहनचालक आहे, आरामशीर बसणे (I have been driving this car for 5 years now. Relax).

I let go off my futile attempts and although I didn't relax for the rest of the journey, nervously fidgeting my fingers, we avoided any untoward incidents.

Now if any of this makes an impression that I hate speed than that’s so not true. I love speed. One of the top 5 items in my bucket list reads sitting on one of those Maglev trains and having a gala time. I love it when the    plane am sitting in gets to its V1 decision speed and is about to take off. I admire such speeds.

My problem is wrong speed at a wrong time and a wrong place. If you are speeding at 80kmph in a road where 40kmph seems tough then am bound to be scared. I wanted to argue with my cab driver that you have driven this way for 5 years and have been extremely lucky but here’s the sad part. Luck runs out just once and if and when it does, it might be disastrous.

I also wanted to discuss about customer satisfaction, about how customer is the king and if I ask you to drive slowly, you do just that. I decided against it.

Then the root cause struck me. It wasn't speed which was the problem. Speed was just the by product of the main cause. I wasn't in a hurry but I comfortably ignored my ‘partenaire’. Yes. The cab driver was in a hurry.

It finally dawned upon me that we all are in some sort of hurry all the time. No am not talking about anyone in particular. I am sure that most often than not there are specific cases where people need to rush.

Sometimes we rush to catch the missing flight,

Are in a haste to attend an important meeting

Running for the blockbuster movie late night

Or worse have kept our wife, girlfriend waiting.

There are billion other situations when one has no other options but to race with time. However there are times when you observe people hurrying for no specific reasons.

Consider the following:

After a plane landing:  There was a rule earlier by the Govt of India that mobile phones should not be used by passengers till the plane has reached its parking bay. Agreed it was lame but it was still a rule. Yet, in those days we could easily find mobiles ringing the moment the wheels touched the runway. At times even before the plane landed, a cacophony of ringtones could be heard shattering the quiet and then the usual whispers followed,’ Haan land nahi hui hain.. Theek hai Gate pe hi rahiye..land karke call karenge.’(  Yaa. It hasn’t landed. Ok You stay put near the arrival gates. I will call you once I land’).

And I wonder. Weren’t we asked to switch off our mobile phones before this machine took off? Such is the brazen apathy for rules at times.

Now do you ask the punishment for this? A beautiful air hostess who is already seated for landing and is helpless, gently switches on the in flight passenger announcement system and politely reminds,’ Passengers are requested not to use their mobiles till the plane has landed. Thank you’.

Her Standard Operating Procedure doesn't allow her to hurl the choicest abuses at the offender, or at least show him the middle finger. He is her esteemed customer who has erred just once. But you know the truth. Don’t you? He will keep ignoring rules for reasons best known to him. Even if one is in a hurry, one can easily call his driver after he deplanes and the driver will still be there. You certainly don’t expect him to be a superman flying next to your plane and gently lifting you up from your seat, do you?  It’s in these situations that I think, ‘What’s the hurry boss’?

There are umpteen such scenarios.

Imagine the situation when the plane finally lands. As soon as it reaches the bay, people crowd the aisle within nanoseconds, collect their luggage and wait for deplaning. Now if you are sitting in aisle, you are doomed boss. The persons sitting in the middle and window seats will not let you breathe till they do not come out and stand in the aisle. Somehow, anyhow by pushing almost shoving you so hard that you eventually end up hurting the person standing behind you. Yes sir, manners and etiquette fly out of the window as soon as we land. Worse if there’s even a slight delay for deplaning we do not think twice before being rude to the airhostess’s. Yes, the same thought comes to my mind, ‘What’s the hurry boss’?

I can discuss several other situations. Flouting traffic rules is one of them. The drivers are smart, the cops smarter. The junction near my house is an apt example. The cops here used to stand in the middle of the road earlier and drivers back then used to be the most disciplined lot. Then suddenly the cops disappeared and even though the traffic light still existed, it became virtually nonexistent for people. Red, Orange Green all meant one and the same thing, Go Go Go.. Honk Honk Honk..!!

Then the cops returned, but this time avoiding the middle of the road, instead choosing the cool shade of the tree next to the road. The drivers still unaware of police presence did not respect the red, only to the glee of the cops. They now had a daily flow of cash from these drivers.

The drivers have finally learnt from their mistake. No wait, they still don’t respect the red. There is no respect, only fear for the cops. The drivers now play the watch and go policy. Red now means the following:

1.       Look left for cops

2.       Look right for cops

3.       Drag vehicles slowly down the road as you never know when a cop emerges from a corner

4.       When convinced of no cop presence, drive away.

If by mistake you are a law abiding citizen and you do respect the red then the ear deafening noise of the car horns behind you will eventually make you a law breaking citizen and you will drive away.

These and many such daily sights do make me think,’ What’s the hurry boss’?

Can we do something to change all this? Frankly I don’t know. I suggest getting CCTV cameras everywhere. In the roads, inside the plane, in shops, multiplexes. But then who are you going to complain to? And what are you going to say? I was pushed by a person because he was in a hurry. Ah, Lame to think the least.

I also suggest changes in the announcements made inside a plane once it lands.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, Boys and girls, Welcome to xyz airport. The outside temperature is 30 deg C. Please remain seated till the plane has come to a complete halt and the seat belt sign is turned off.  Please be courteous towards other passengers and let the one’s sitting in aisle get their luggage first. Your luggage isn't running away. So is your driver. You are paying him after all. If after our repeated requests you do not pay heed to our advice we will charge Rs 100 for inconvenience caused to the fellow passenger. Remember our cameras are watching you. Thank you. Looking forward to serve you again.’

May I also request the traffic cops to remain hidden, but don’t vanish. Do come out at times. Let Red get back the respect it deserves.

Hoping for changes soon.

Till then, ask for the window seat while checking in an airport and every time the cab driver goes beyond 50kmph, fake a heart attack. Let him know you are a heart patient and if he drives above 50, you might die.

Gandhian Principles..Are they relevant today??

First things first..I will straight away clarify that I am not a moron. Am not writing something on Gandhi just because its a 2nd Oct. Cmon I also remember him on 15th August and on 26th January. And even if I don't the news channels are always there to brush up my memory or better one of the movie channels showing Sir Ben Kingsley as Gandhi.
But then why am I writing on Gandhian principles? I guess much has already been written on it for ages isntit? I guess there was nothing else coming in my mind and had this bad urge of writing something and the first thing which struck me was 2nd Oct.
So here I am writing on Gandhiji. Actually not on Gandhiji but his principles. Let me be very clear when I say that I don't follow all Gandhian principles. I will set things in the correct perspective by mentioning that I am no world thinker.I am not planning to go to Pak Afghan border and start a "Taliban-hamara peecha chhodo aandolan". Closer home I am in no mood to visit the Naxal affected areas and start a non violent movement asking every naxalite to drop weapons. And I guess so are the other 110 crore of my fellow countrymen. Well obviously there are the hartals nowadays but then those are basically raasta roko andolans to start with, which lead to few vehicles being gutted down, few glasses shattered and the finale being a lathi charge by the police. Not even a speck of non violence there.
Well I on my part believe that individuals take care of the society.So if we take care of ourselves things will set up automatically.
Ah, let me talk about Bapu first. He was born rich, educated abroad, was a qualified lawyer and had a dutiful wife. But he admonished all that and instead practised simple living-high thinking, non violence, celibacy, vegetarianism, abolishing all phoren stuff.BOY..thats tall order I must say..!!
Times have changed since then. Bapu did not have a web identity nor did he possess the latest nokia handset.Speaking of the relevance of his principles today is like comparing chalk and cheese.
Today the world has shrunk and has become more materialistic.It has metamorphosed into a small village,globalization is on. We are living in a 24x7 world agile,awake and aware. In such circumstances it will be detrimental for our own well being if we deprive ourselves of choices.
I have serious doubts about whether Gandhi's idea of non violence would hold water today. I have an explanation. We all know that gandhi preached non violence as he realized that it would be impossible to fight an organized battle with the limited resources at disposal. What makes a man follow a doctrine is dependent on his immediate social and economic conditions. Would Gandhi have preached the same if he had the backing of the worlds largest trained army at that time? Or the wherewithal to get access to the latest military warfare? I doubt.
And history would be a bad reference here as we have innumerable instances of violence/non violence attaining/not attaining the desired results.
All in all I believe gandhian principles are relevant in parts and would do so till time ,morality and truth remain relevant to us.
And all you hardcore gandhi fans,hope my post will not recieve violent criticism from you guys.

Behind Every Smile....

Around a month back I read an article which was on writing without thinking.Theres a term which describes this act of just scribbling anything on paper without even pausing for a second..(Sorry cannot recollect the term right now).
Maybe I did just that with this post..Maybe I wanted to post anything anyhow..
Or maybe No..Maybe as Theodore Bagwell mentioned in Prison Break 'We are all prisoners. Held in the captivity of negativity'. I dont know. Rather I dont care. This write up isnt a story or a poem..I dont know what it is but it surely is inspired from few of the blogs I read recently

I laugh for I can feel the pain
Slowly the images are getting all smeared
Slowly every laughter is fading into oblivion
Is any colour left? Or just black and white everywhere
Oh..yes there is no black and white,only shades of grey.
Every light flickering at its best
only to be blown off by a sudden gush of air
And then there's darkness all around me.
Why don't I write anymore
Not because I cannot
But because I do not want to..
Because feelings refuse to be penned down anymore.
I am not the one I used to be
But so are you and you and you and all of you.
Aren't you all wearing those masks
hiding your true faces?
Are you not going out in the rain
Not to enjoy the scent of wet earth
But to spread your arms wide
and cry your hearts out
So that those tears mingle with the rain and fade away
And you can reassure yourself
that you are the happiest.
I am not happy but am not sad either
or maybe I just don't want to acknowledge
Maybe I have stopped listening to myself
For it has been ages since I have suppressed my baritone
For I wanted others to speak.
I dont want to introspect
Do not want to greet the pain
And so I laugh and when the tears come
People realize they are because I laughed
And yet again I am successful in dodging glances
But its not only me
Everyones playing their part to perfection
Everyones HAPPILY SAD..
Behind every smile
There is a trickle of pain or plain anger maybe
But everyones so good
For every smile seems genuine
and every applause every word of appreciation
seems coming straight from the heart.

Single vs doubles..!!

A very dear friend of mine (name withheld on request) is going through what he describes as hell.Last weekend after having a cosy dinner with his girlfriend, while they were walking back home discussing their future,some road side tapori acted as the villain and uttered words which were not very pleasing to the ears of his lady love.So my friend,who claims to be a true bollywood flicks lover did what any other hindi film ka hero would do. He rolled up his sleeves and straightaway demanded an apology.Well what resulted was no apology but two broken bones and a broken heart.Unfortunately all three for my friend.The villain turned out to be much stronger than what my friend had expected and the brawl turned out to be a one sided affair. My friend was then dumped into the nearby hospital by his lady love and then the love of his life did the unthinkable.DUMPED HIM,stating reasons that if he can't save her from the gundas,he is good for nothing.

All this has really disturbed my friend who claims he would never fall in love again. Although deep down I was on top of the world that our 'single ready to mingle' gang had a new member who would pay for the movie tickets this weekend( yeah I can be really mean sometimes you see),I had to act as if I really felt bad.But all this has actually stirred my neurons out of deep slumber and have made me think..Is Single life a Bane or a Boon..??

5 reasons why I think single life is a boon..!!
1.The money in your wallet now belongs to you.Of course the once in a while parties given to your friends notwithstanding,you now have the freedom of getting the latest Ray-Ban shades or the Tag-Heur watch because you don't have to spend money on your beloved.

2.You don't always have to think about what gifts to be given to your love.Plus even after getting a gift you don't have to think twice whether she will like it or not.'SHE' doesn't exist anymore you see..:)

3.Your mobile phone can now heave a sign of relief.The torture that you have been doing on its keypads sending unnecesary text messages are now a thing of the past.The time saved by not looking at your cell phone expecting a goodnite call can now be utilized for other important things..say reading a book(was it too far fetched?)

4.You can now safely wear the white shirt instead of the blue, eat whatever you want to gain how many pounds you want to..how you look doesn't matter now does it..??

5.Remembering dates is a thing of the past.You dont have to forget dates and then make excuses that despite all efforts you couldn't call to wish(on a birthday,on a first walk in a park anniversary,etc..etc) because the income tax department had seized your cell-phone...!!

5 reasons why I think single life is a bane..!!

1.Cmon..you selfish moron..you dont always have to give gifts..You do get them sometimes and who doesn't like gifts.Being single devoids you of the pleasure of getting surprise gifts.

2.One very big advantage of not being single is that you suddenly know about every tarrif plan launched by every mobile service and you sure are a better help for your friends than the customer service guy who most of the time seems helpless..

3.At the end of the day,I guess there are few things which if shared with someone special do help you a lot. I mean all single guys would vehementely deny that if you want to share stuffs you have your friends and I 99.99% agree but then someone special is afterall someone special(have I made my point clear..??) No I guess..!!

4.I do not know how many of my friends would actually agree but one thing which I have noticed is once you are commited,your friends stop linking you with every second girl you go and talk to.I have seen this abnormal behaviour where suddenly people start giving you curious glances and later on literally torture you to know the truth.I mean this surely isn't the norm and am sure this is one of the idiotic advantages of being commited but then I have seen such a behaviour.

5.This will be the BAAP of all reasons..my committed friends believe that what sets apart the committed life is the FEELING OF BEING IN LOVE..What this so called feeling is a question better answered by them but they feel that the feeling is divine..
Ah..frankly speaking this is such a topic which is certainly debatable.I mean all my single friends(single+dumped) believe that Lifes rocking when you are single while those in love feel that'Angoor mile nahin so khatte ho gayein'.This discussion can never come to an ending.I mean you ceratinly can't think about taking sides here.
I guess these lines by Alfred Tennyson sum up my views..
I HOLD IT TRUE,WHAT'ER BEFALL
I FEEL IT,WHEN I SORROW MOST;
TIS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST
THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL..!!

WHAT NEXT..??

This post of mine is kinda continuation of my post published on the 30th of June. So all those who haven't read that entry have two options..one they can read that entry now(hey its just after one entry yaar..) and can take pains to post comments or the second option is leave that post and read this one..its not that you won't understand this one..plus if I were the reader..I would have gone for the second option.. LAZY ME...!!
Yeah so finally our final sem results were out and the examiners in VTU (Visweswaraya Technological University) had pity on me and gave me passing marks. I can now safely claim that now I am an engineer.HELL YEAH..!!
The night the results were out I was partying late with my friends,when one of my college mates, the so called bookworm of our Gang..the padhaku..called me up and very seriously asked me ' Dude! What plans?'
I was quick enough to respond that after the party which will run quite late into the night, I might go for a movie at my friends place.
But my Dost had other questions ready to be fired at me..' Future...Future yaar..What plans after Engg..??
Now I don't know how many of you guys have faced examinations where not a question looks familiar.I have been through such a paper and believe me it feels awful..(at least till you are inside the exam hall).You don't seem to know a single answer,you keep looking left,right,up,down at regular intervals..you seem to notice things which were unnoticed till then,even a small fly's path is keenly observed by you. Finally frustrated you bend your head slightly so that the guy sitting in front of you can help you..but all you manage is just one line.
By now you know your despicable condition and you start scratching your head..You scratch so badly that the dandruff in your hair which uptill now had developed a symbiotic relationship with its surroundings starts making a clumsy little mess on your answer sheet.
Finally losing all hopes you write something, repeat that thing twice and sincerely hope that the examiner is drunk while he goes through your answer sheet. Those few moments are awful. You feel a deep vaccum being created inside you..
Ah..coming back..so I felt the same vaccum when my friend asked me about my future. But then I wasn't going to part ways with the way I felt that day and so I coolly remarked that I am bad at making plans and will see what life has in store for me.
I thought that was it. But then deep down I knew my happiness was shortlived.
The next day itself I was sitting in front of my father and holding the cell-phone. Yes..the not so awaited moment had arrived.My father sitting in front of me and my elder brother sitting 700 miles away from me..asked me the same question simultaneously.'What next'?
What followed was an eerie silence and some stern looks from my father and some serious cough from my brother.Now hey I can't give the same answer here that I don't make plans and that will see what life has in store in front of my parents.Can I? So I cleared my voice and meekly replied that I will do a job now( Although i am sure that the time interval any company will keep me for will entirely depend upon their patience level)..and will think about future studies later.That was a sweet way of saying that I am studying since the time I literally learnt writing and reading and so I want a break now.
On a more serious note,I don't know how many of my friends are going through this "what to do next" phase..I am sure most of them have made up their minds by now but for those who still are in a dilemma,my advice as a friend is take a chill pill. You have company!!(I am sure that did not calm you guys did it..??) Please do not increase your B.P levels.
I am not asking you all to just sit down doing nothing and write blogs and give unnecessary advice(oh..is that me)..But remember that this is just the beginning..there will be many more such moments in our lives. Some will take these as challenges but others will take these as oppurtunities. It is as we look at those moments that they really turn out into.!!
See..I just love giving advices and not at all following them.
Do you think I should write one of those so called self help books..!!

Missing You...

Wow..I have just amazed myself today. Two posts within 4 days is just wow for someone like me. Actually after playing umpteen number of games of Hearts( a card game..all card lovers would know)on my PC and after revising the previously watched episodes of HOUSE M.D(its an American television Medical drama) i just couldn't think of a better way to spend my time so am writing something on my blog...just anything..Its actually a page from my personal diary which is no longer personal after one of my friends read it and started blackmailing me that he would organize a story telling competition in the society where he would tell others about the contents of the diary and so I had to give him paani puri treats so that he would keep his mouth shut. But then I decided to take corrective steps and here I am shamelessly posting that very page so that my 10 bucks are saved. Smart naa???
Here's that page...
And yet again for the sixth consecutive day it kept raining here. Those big drops of water hitting the window pane made a strange cacophony and reminded me of YOU..!!
It's not that I don't think of you otherwise but then rains have had a different place in our relationship isn't it??
It was on that eventful rainy monday that we met. I was coming back after buying veggies when I saw you. Standing in the middle of the road, all wet, eyes frantically searching for something. It was love at first sight for me. I just couldn't take my eyes off you. It was as if you badly needed help and I was the one for you.
That Monday changed me completely. It taught me a different perspective of life. It led to a relationship which was certainly more than love. The feeling was magical and the time spent after that was like reading an amazing novel. It took me to a different world altogether.
The innumerable moments spent together are forever etched in my memory and they shall be so till I die. Those amazing walks in the park, those movies which we saw together,the meals that we shared, the long conversations which we had(you have been the most patient listener and I respect you a lot for that).
And then it was that Monday when fate played the worst game with me. It took you away from me. That car accident didn't just kill you, it killed me too. I am no longer the same happy go lucky guy that I used to be. But then I know that you are there,smiling somewhere looking at me and you want me to be happy.
Now as I am drinking a cup of coffee, I miss you so badly.The coffee never tastes the way it used to when you sat on my lap wagging your tail and licking me and the cup.
I will miss you Sheru..You were never a Pomeranian for me. You were much more..